“Find a babe” — The Silent Guru
Support doesn’t always come the way we want it. But you can do this…
Why do I like women with dark eyes, edgy attitudes, and who look hot in hoodies? Dream girls don’t often look like Gisele Bundchen…)
The undefined(maddening) support of a stereotypical male friendship.
Look, Reader…
It’s undeniable that we need each other.
I’m speaking to you and you’re listening, which does wonders for my self-esteem. I do my best to return that favor.
You’ve known me for a while now, and we’re starting to understand each other’s perceptions and beliefs. I feel closer to you now because we’ve passed the awkwardness of not knowing what each other wants and needs.
But now, I see that I need to give more than I get. I see that you need me to be more genuine, to express myself authentically, and to give you enough to feel safe, heard, and respected.
So…
Will you be my girlfriend?
…
“Find a babe” — The stoic, hypermasculine friend
The title of this article is words from one of my closest friends.
We’re drastically different, don’t communicate on the same wavelength, and get frustrated with each other’s perceptions and ways of seeing the world.
Yet…
Here he is, looking out for me.
Wanting me to be happy. To share my life. To have love and affection.
Just…in the smallest(most annoying) amount of words possible. I mean, the statement itself isn’t even motivating or wisely informative.
My response?
“Why are you so worried about me finding a chick?”
(arguably trying to stick to the manly, surface-level communication style)
His response?
Complete silence.
Motherf***….
…
I always lose radio reception at this point from him.
My friend isn’t great at talking deeply about things he finds uncomfortable. No matter how many times I’ve tried, I can’t get him to bend beyond his efficient, cookie-cutter ways of processing life. Talking about finding someone is one thing, actually talking about love is something else.
But still, for some reason, he cares about my well-being.
And despite my frustration, I can still see that.
…
Friendships aren’t always easy.
A lot of times they seem to fall short. They seem to be missing core connections. They seem to be frustratingly stunted by our desires to want more from them: support, understanding, patience, empathy, and even wise guidance.
And if you’ve dedicated yourself to life-long growth, moving beyond the mindset of average, you’re going to exile yourself whether you realize it or not.
Older relationships will be difficult.
But sometimes we have to stop being so expectant.
We need to stop assuming that great friendships include constant comfort and adherence to our needs.
That’s why even our relationships should be diverse.
We do need each other.
We do get to choose who we want in our lives.
But sometimes, when our friends don’t show up like we expect them to, we have to take what it is and realize there’s a reason for that…even if we have give it reason.
We’re different.
…
The truth?
I wish he would dive in deep with me. I wish he would explain to me what he sees.
Why he thinks a relationship is important.
What he thinks I have to offer.
Why he worries(nonchalantly).
Why he thinks carrot cake is better than red velvet…
…
My friend’s shortness or inability isn’t the problem.
It’s my stubbornness to need him to support me only in the way that would make me feel better. That’s the problem. A problem within my control.
Rather…
I should see the truth of it:
He believes in me. And he wishes me to have a person. Even though it’s annoyingly open to interpretation of why…
My point?
Sometimes our friends show up in ways we can’t stand. And sometimes it’s important that they do to see how we can grow from that.
“Find a babe” may not seem to carry much weight.
But it’s still a call to action.
It’s still a poke to the wolf in the cage. The part of myself that I cut off for the sake of destiny.
He’s pointing out a crucially important and enjoyable part of life that I sacrificed while working on self-fulfillment: partnership.
…
The wisdom we need sometimes comes in silence.
We don’t always need relationships.
We don’t always need dating, nights out with friends, materialistic things, vacations, etc.
But we do need to experience life.
And if I remember correctly, life itself, over maybe 100 years if we’re lucky, is full of all of these things.
Complete sacrifice leaves us without really amazing experiences.
Especially love.
So, Reader…
If it’s not me you’re looking for, so be it. You probably don’t like hoodies anyway.
But maybe it’s time you go out and “find a babe.”
Cause my best friend says it’s time.
Truth and Love, Reader.
Let’s talk!
I would love it if you left a comment or question. To interact, to hear the voices of my readers, and the wisdom of those beyond my reach.
Thank you for being a part of my tiny world!