The Wrong Path Turns into Right Path
RMN: More than success and passion, your story requires wandering the unknown.
Rebel Minded Newsletter
Do you know your Love Language?
Mine’s “Words of Affirmation”
Not that it matters. At least not as much as why it’s my love language.
And even still, love languages are just an understanding of self, not a relationship cure. They’re a guide to healthy communication.
…
I’ve spent a lot of years feeling different.
Even as a kid, there were a lot of things I didn’t understand, didn’t agree with, or felt angry that someone told me, “this is just how it is.”
I just was too scared of my then-father figures to speak my mind.
I wasn’t different because I was an extreme version of anything. I wasn’t a punk rock kid, or a jock, or geek, or a child genius. I wasn’t any of those simple identities we cling to as kids.
I was…an amalgam of different spaces and character traits. A conglomeration of conditioned personalities that helped me gain love from those that I loved.
I was a country without borders and without name, wandering into foreign lands and making acquaintances, but never settling into any place.
None of it seemed fully fitting.
And even today, when it comes to self-identification, I’m not a stereotypical version of anything. To be athletic, a gym rat…in conjunction with being a writer, a philosopher of sorts, a motorcycle and car lover…I don’t feel exact on anything. I can’t place myself.
I couldn’t then either.
My friends have been so diverse, it’s always left me feeling unable to properly self-identify.
Apart from the suppressed side of myself that compounded the feeling of being so separated, the inability to cleanly identify with others has been a frustrating and lonesome energy.
Here’s the thing:
Not only is it my work to find myself, it’s also my work to find out why I feel misplaced.
And the “follow your passion” advice has become so all-inclusive it exiles those that don’t seem to have one. The one’s who have to go out and search for it.
So what map is there for the directionless?
The one’s who dream of greatness, but have no compass?
…
It’s with this that I failed so much.
You float without a compass and without a port in which to anchor.
The impossibility of it all is that no matter which direction you go, you cannot conquer the whole sea.
But the effort to find myself hasn’t been without purpose.
And your effort doesn’t either.
All you need is motion.
…
Regardless of where I started or how many times I’ve failed, I’ve found within me a barrier that I may have never been conscious of without trying at so many things.
I’ve been seeking not myself, but the affirmation of others.
That explains the love language.
It’s been staring me in the face for years now!
I’ve been trying again and again to figure out what I’m meant for by seeking recognition of the world around me. My ultimate goal which I’m just now becoming aware of, is that I was trying to see who I was through the eyes of others.
The perception of people.
And to do that is to be dissatisfied with oneself.
It means that our creations are in total control of the outside party. We’re not satisfied, not fulfilled, not happy with what we do and who we are unless it’s approved by the others.
And the reason this matters so much is that it is human nature to want approval. It’s natural and it’s also healthy.
But if we seek approval we will always be susceptible to the control of others. Swaying to and fro by their approval and disapproval.
The real way to get (healthy)validation is not by waiting to see what the response is after our tests. It’s to test ourselves, find what feels right in silence and away from others, and see who comes to us.
Because it won’t be everyone.
It will only be the people who understand and who feel the same as you do.
So, even if you’re a wanderer, and weren’t blessed with knowing exactly what you were meant for…or have an obsessive, passion-driven talent…you can still find it out by trial and error.
If you have to aimlessly propel the seas, know that eventually, you will come across land. Many lands most likely.
And you will find what appeals to you.
And the port in which to anchor who you are, what you love, and who you love.
The right path can start as the wrong one.
Truth and Love, Reader.
Let’s talk!
I would love it if you left a comment. To interact, to hear the voices of my readers, and the wisdom of those beyond my reach.
Thank you for being a part of my tiny world!